How to Fix a Broken Heart
The topic that I wrote above about fixing my broken heart is what I currently have in mind right now. But I changed my mind and decided to discuss another topic.
It's been quite a while since I last wrote a blog, and as usual, many things happened to me these past few days and weeks.
1. As I mentioned in my last blog, I was diagnosed to have another brain illness. It is a Grade III brain tumor. Prognosis were given to me, however, I am still having confusion about what should I do.
2. Kim went back to tell me she's gonna give me a chance to get to know her and wait for me. But, situations came and both of us still haven't met. Whenever I was available, things happened to us and the last time that I was able to go, she did not even respond. To cut it short, she's gone,.... again. She left as quick as a lightning.
3. Yesterday, 3 doctors told me that I can still live up to 2 years or less.
If you are going to analyze my depressing posts, you will say I am publishing this right now because I have no one to talk to.
You can say that.
I have my own family and friends outside but I do not find it comfortable to share my thoughts and feelings to them. For the past few months, I relied to someone I met online as someone I could talk to. Sharing my feelings to her made me develop infatuation at first. This fleeting something developed into a real care that I've always had for her for the past few months. I've also been wondering how come or why I suddenly felt this way for her. It's the most unusual emotion that I have ever felt and developed. I started relying on her even if she already went away few months ago. Despite her absence I still yearned for her to come back. And she did,
............... but Kim also left me immediately.
Today, something is happening in me. I mean in me. Inside me. The problem is, I care way too much about people who does not give a damn on me. I cared for her and asked her to wait, but she left me alone. She even told me a lie, that no one deserves this kind of misery. But why is it that she left me broken and mangled even if she knew I would feel a lot more miserable?
I am dying inside bit by bit. I am feeling the pain because my love is true. Now I have no one to talk to.
I am choosing to stay away from people too, Alone in the world where she left me like a fool.
According to the doctors, my life expectancy is less than 2 years. Glioblastoma Multiforme is one of the most aggressive brain tumors. I am here to live my life to continue to help my employees and other people in our company's business.. 2 years may be a little short for me, but it gives me ample time to prepare and fix myself.
I decided not to talk to anyone about this illness. Whenever I feel my heart tearing apart inside my chest, I just keep it to myself. Whenever I feel that a hammer is like smashing my brain, I try to feel the pain on my own - because she left me alone.
I know, people would come and go just like Kim. She knows what I have and what I feel. But she still chose to throw away the love that has made me ill. I chose not to talk about this with someone, cause eventually people will leave and I will be hurt again.
She left and hurt me intentionally. Kim just used her trust issues about me and all the things that I haven't done until now. But the truth is, she does not want me anymore.
In the reality of life, who wants to be with an ill young man? She might have thought that she needs to take care of me. But she does not have to do that.
For a decade, I was able to live all by myself and build my own life. The every day and night pains in my head would not change the fact that I was able to bring myself up alone for the past 10 years. I am totally wrecked right now because of what she has done to me. She left me at this point of my life where there is a collision of a storm and a tornado.
I dunno when can I write again. The excruciating pain inside my head happens more often. Sometimes, my vision turns blurry. I don't even know until when can I still talk to people through this blog.
How to Fix a Broken Heart? Or a broken soul?
The topic that I wrote above about fixing my broken heart is what I currently have in mind right now. But I changed my mind and decided to discuss another topic.
It's been quite a while since I last wrote a blog, and as usual, many things happened to me these past few days and weeks.
1. As I mentioned in my last blog, I was diagnosed to have another brain illness. It is a Grade III brain tumor. Prognosis were given to me, however, I am still having confusion about what should I do.
2. Kim went back to tell me she's gonna give me a chance to get to know her and wait for me. But, situations came and both of us still haven't met. Whenever I was available, things happened to us and the last time that I was able to go, she did not even respond. To cut it short, she's gone,.... again. She left as quick as a lightning.
3. Yesterday, 3 doctors told me that I can still live up to 2 years or less.
If you are going to analyze my depressing posts, you will say I am publishing this right now because I have no one to talk to.
You can say that.
I have my own family and friends outside but I do not find it comfortable to share my thoughts and feelings to them. For the past few months, I relied to someone I met online as someone I could talk to. Sharing my feelings to her made me develop infatuation at first. This fleeting something developed into a real care that I've always had for her for the past few months. I've also been wondering how come or why I suddenly felt this way for her. It's the most unusual emotion that I have ever felt and developed. I started relying on her even if she already went away few months ago. Despite her absence I still yearned for her to come back. And she did,
............... but Kim also left me immediately.
Today, something is happening in me. I mean in me. Inside me. The problem is, I care way too much about people who does not give a damn on me. I cared for her and asked her to wait, but she left me alone. She even told me a lie, that no one deserves this kind of misery. But why is it that she left me broken and mangled even if she knew I would feel a lot more miserable?
I am dying inside bit by bit. I am feeling the pain because my love is true. Now I have no one to talk to.
I am choosing to stay away from people too, Alone in the world where she left me like a fool.
According to the doctors, my life expectancy is less than 2 years. Glioblastoma Multiforme is one of the most aggressive brain tumors. I am here to live my life to continue to help my employees and other people in our company's business.. 2 years may be a little short for me, but it gives me ample time to prepare and fix myself.
I decided not to talk to anyone about this illness. Whenever I feel my heart tearing apart inside my chest, I just keep it to myself. Whenever I feel that a hammer is like smashing my brain, I try to feel the pain on my own - because she left me alone.
I know, people would come and go just like Kim. She knows what I have and what I feel. But she still chose to throw away the love that has made me ill. I chose not to talk about this with someone, cause eventually people will leave and I will be hurt again.
She left and hurt me intentionally. Kim just used her trust issues about me and all the things that I haven't done until now. But the truth is, she does not want me anymore.
In the reality of life, who wants to be with an ill young man? She might have thought that she needs to take care of me. But she does not have to do that.
For a decade, I was able to live all by myself and build my own life. The every day and night pains in my head would not change the fact that I was able to bring myself up alone for the past 10 years. I am totally wrecked right now because of what she has done to me. She left me at this point of my life where there is a collision of a storm and a tornado.
I dunno when can I write again. The excruciating pain inside my head happens more often. Sometimes, my vision turns blurry. I don't even know until when can I still talk to people through this blog.
How to Fix a Broken Heart? Or a broken soul?